Me Blabbering...at midnight! So Blue...

I know that I'm supposed to be in bed, sleeping like a baby. But I already done it 5 hours ago, and now my eyes are open wide. And sleep will be the second thing after I blabbering in this blog.

Did you ever have a crush over someone but you never get them even if you try so hard to tell them?

I guess that everybody have this things in their life. Maybe once, maybe twice or thrice. So if you did not get them, what would you do? Try again until their realize that you are exist or just letting them go and goes on your life like you never know them before?

I happen to get this 'crush' feeling a long time ago while at the college taking IT courses. This is the real crush to a guy. I fall real hard, which is I did not know either he is look so charming or maybe it was his playful manners that caught me. But it just happen, maybe being drove by lust.

I was so shy to talk to him, I mean I can talk to every other guy except him. And I always try to give my best smile and always best at my best so he will realized me. And also try to giving more 'woman' version of me (not working) at least in front of him. But I guess it was not enough as I am not so witty and most of my time is spend with silencing myself.

Then I notice that one of my friend is so close with him. There is a rumor that they are dating but so naive I am, I just brush off that 'fact' and then sharing the content of my heart with her that is including that I got a crush on him. I can see the surprise looks but still I did not notice it.

And not more than a week after spill-out-my-heart moment. It was an official that the two of them is the item. It really crash my heart, as I put all my trust over her ( back in the days, I am so trusty with nearly everyone). And I guess my secret is out too, because there is some other friends that asking if I'm ok when I knew about the news. I feel hurt and angry. Hurt because she did not telling me that she is going out with him and angry for her potty mouth telling everybody my secret. I feel like an idiot, especially when he smile at me. Because I know that he knew I got a crush on him.

Still i tell everyone that I'm so O.K, and try to keep away from this lovely couple. But maybe just wanted to add salt on a wound, she keep updating me every detail of their relationship and yes it is really annoying me. Who really wants to hear everthing like that, I guess maybe gossiper love it.

But their relationship just taking a few months as we are taking our own way after we finishing the courses. Last time I see him is like 5,6 years ago. He is still studying and as I seeing him that day, still being surrounded by girls. We just passing each other, but by the time our eyes meet. We just giving each other a smile. Did I put a hope after that? No Im not. I'm so over him, maybe there is a little bit a thought of him especially when I seeing our picture in my old album. Just wondering where he is and what is he doing, not more than that. Just go on with my life...

I think that is all my blabbering... midnight blabbering. Can't believe I tell you this. But I guess, with just a little follower... nobody will mind about this.

Good night... (Gah! my recent download is so slow! Have to wait till it done!)

P/s: this guy is nothing to do with the one that I mention in previous random question post. It was a different guy. When will I stop 'crushing' and being real? I DON'T KNOW.